Harry's Wonderful Idea
by The MoonCat
Summary: Snape and the Dursleys meeting. What could be more ingenious? Harry's worst enemies, destroying each other. Or so Harry thought. His plan goes awry. Please read and review.


This takes place right after Order of the Phoenix.

Harry rode back grumpily in the car with the Dursleys. Uncle Vernon drove along silently, radiating general annoyance, his temple pulsating, still angry about the way members of the Order has spoken to him. Aunt Petunia and Dudley tried to pretend Harry wasn't there. Harry sighed. How could another year be over so fast? He reached in his pocket to touch his wand lovingly. Then his heart gave a terrible beat and his blood turned to ice. _His wand wasn't there. _

Calm down, he told himself. It's probably in the trunk. But it was a vain hope. Deep down he knew it wasn't there. Now he remembered setting it aside after he had performed a jinx on Malfoy on the train and reaching for a chocolate frog instead. He knew he had never put it back. His wand was traveling back to Hogwarts Station on the train. How could this happen? How could he be so stupid?

Harry's heart sank down into his feet. What was he going to do? How was he going to survive the summer? He knew one thing for sure, he was not going to tell the Dursleys about it. He imagined the terrible ways they would take advantage of it and shuddered.

As soon as they arrived at Number 4, Privet Drive, Harry dashed up the stair without a word to anyone, carrying his trunk and cage. Hedwig hooted dolefully as she shot along. He whisked into his room, grabbed a piece of parchment and quill from his nightstand and immediately started to draft a letter.

But who was there to write to? He suddenly realized he didn't even know who drove the Hogwarts Express or whether it even had a conductor. He was reluctant to confide to Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall that he had been so careless. Members of the Order were probably busy enough as it was. Except for Sirius, he thought, then immediately regretted it as his insides clenched. Of course he couldn't write to Sirius, he would never write to him again when anything was wrong.

Harry fell back onto his bed, feeling utterly hollow. Finally he decided he might as well write to his friend Ron. Ron was much more connected to the rest of the wizarding world. He would know what to do.

_Dear Ron,_

_Something awful has happened. Right after I performed that jinx on Malfoy I set my wand aside and it is still on the Hogwarts Express. I don't really know what to do. Hope you have a good summer._

_-Harry_

He tied the note to Hedwig's leg and as he watched her glide off he could only hope she would not be intercepted. He knew it was stupid what he was doing, but he had to get his wand back somehow.

Evidently, the meeting the Order members had influenced the Dursleys somewhat as Aunt Petunia came upstairs and asked Harry to come to supper. As he picked at some wilted leaves, he hoped Hedwig would get back soon.

The next morning, sure enough Hedwig was tapping at his window. Quickly he unlatched it and let her in. The letter bore Ron's handwriting on it.

_Dear Harry,_

_I got your letter. The good news- Dad got in touch with the Hogwarts Express officials and they have found your wand. However, it would not be safe to send by owl, so a member of the Order is going to deliver it to your house. The bad news- Guess who the member is? Snape. He happened to be the one who wasn't busy with something or other. He's coming later today. I'm sorry, mate. Hope it's not too bad._

_Your friend,_

_Ron_

Harry lay on his bed, feeling bad. Snape was coming . The Dursleys would be there. Suddenly something dawned in Harry's mind. Snape and the Dursleys, the people he hated most, would be meeting. They were guaranteed to loathe each other. Maybe they would destroy each other!

_Dear Ron,_

_I've been thinking, and actually, it's not so bad. Snape and the Dursleys meeting each other? It could be a dream come true. Maybe Snape will jinx them! I've decided to lay low and give them a chance to get to know each other before I accept my wand back._

_-Harry_

_Dear Harry,_

_Marvelous! Can't wait till they get what they deserve_

_-Ron_

Soon there was a knock at the door. Harry smiled and walked back to his room. He would stay there for a while and then peek in to see how it going.

Wonderful visions ran through his head. Visions of Snape waving his wand at the Dursleys. Visions of Uncle Vernon sprouting tentacles and Dudley whizzing around the room. In another scenario, Uncle Vernon turned into a huge purple beet and Dudley prodded at him with his pig's snout. Harry laughed, then began to imagine other things. Uncle Vernon strangling Snape, his eyes bulging. Dudley vomiting on Snape. It would be a dream come true.

He heard his uncle calling him, but did not arrive. A couple minutes later he sneaked down the stairs.

But as he did he heard a horrible noise. Slowly it dawned on him that the noise was not terrible screams but a terrible excuse for laughter. Puzzled, he stole into the drawing room.

"There he is!" roared Uncle Vernon, tears of mirth springing from his eyes. "Look how horrible he is! How conceited and terrible!

"I completely agree," said Snape, a hideous grin upon his face. "He is absolutely horrific! In my classes, he behaves like a little snot!"

"Of course he does," said Aunt Petunia, pouring out more tea. "He is so hideous." Dudley smirked, eating some éclairs with glee.

"I don't even mind that you're one of his lot, you obviously have your head on straight," said Uncle Vernon to Snape.

"Even though you're a muggle, you undoubtedly know how things should be done," said Snape.

"We're so glad to have met you," said Petunia. "Make sure you come by more often."

"Of course," said Snape. "Isn't he terrible?"

"Yeah," said Dudley maliciously.

"Oh, yes, Potter," said Snape. "Your wand." Harry accepted his wand, then turned on his heel and walked out. "Such delightful people," he could hear Snape saying the background.

He should have known. His wonderful plan was spoiled! IT HAD NOT WORKED. Oh NO!


End file.
